My Birth Story (2010)

My due date was September 7, 2010, but everyone thought the baby would come out sooner because of the size of my belly (my belly was pretty huge with Lukka). One day after my baby shower, 08/01/2010, I started to have strong contractions daily, and every day I thought "will it be today?".

My husband and I had been preparing for our baby's birth: we read, we took Lamaze classes, we talked to friends, we bombarded my OB with questions, we had a birth plan laid out, etc. I felt calm (except for the rare wave of panic that hit me sometimes "will I be able to do this?").

Me and Gui had watched The Business of Being Born on Netflix together and that was the first time we were introduced to home births. Even so, we decided to have a hospital birth, but to try and go with an unmedicated birth. I wanted to be in the hospital in case of any emergencies and didn’t feel safe at all with the possibility of a home birth which I had never even heard of before. 

We got an aqua-doula (that’s what a laboring tub used to be called in 2010) so I could labor in water (in Hawaii you can only have a water birth at home, in some hospitals you can labor in water). **EDITED TO ADD: 10 years later, this is still sadly true.

Well, September 7 came and waved us goodbye, and still no Lukka. My parents had arrived late July to help us out, and in case the baby came early, so we were all hanging out, going on hikes, walking around, going to the beach, basically ALWAYS doing something to see if Lukka got some encouragement to come and see the world.

Being born and raised in Brazil, the pressure to deliver by cesarean was huge. I was a cesarean baby, and so were my 2 sisters. In Brazil. it’s still culturally accepted that cesareans are the safest way to deliver your baby and I was determined to break that cycle for my own life. I also wanted to have a natural birth and to go into labour spontaneously, so I asked my OB to wait the longest possible before inducing to minimize any chances of a cesarean.

I had been stuck on 2 cm for four weeks now, and having strong contractions constantly, which were obviously not doing their job of dilating me.
After 40 weeks, I started going to the hospital twice a week to monitor the baby, he was just cozy in there.

My OB had scheduled an induction for September 17, and on the 16th she examined my cervix and told me I was still stuck at 2 cm, and that my cervix was way up there still and not soft at all. She said “this baby will not come out on his own before hitting 42 weeks”. The next morning we were at the hospital, ready to have a baby. I was a little disappointed in having to induce - I had really wanted things to start naturally.

I knew induced contractions were much worse than natural ones, but I still wanted to try and ride them out without taking any pain medication.  I also knew that I wasn't going to able to eat solids because of the induction, so my mom made homemade chicken broth, we bought juices and apple sauce, and walked into the hospital with two bags of liquid food.

I wish my story had progressed happily from this point, but the truth is that my induction experience was like so many other first time moms that get talked into being induced. The thing I’m most thankful for, is that my OB agreed to wait 11 days after my “due date” to induce me. Most OBs will not wait that long. Ever.

My first day at the hospital was uneventful and quickly became boring once we realized Lukka would not be coming that day. I was on a pitocin drip all day and barely even had any contractions at all. By 8pm that night I was also still at 2cm and the pitocin hadn’t really done anything to start my labor. They took me off the drip and let me eat dinner, which I promptly threw all up anyway. By 1am I had showered and tried to get sleep in the most uncomfortable bed I had ever laid on.

At 5am, after a few restless hours of rest, I was able to eat breakfast and the nurse re-started the pitocin drip. By 6:30am nothing had changed. My OB walked in before heading to her office for the day, and said that if we didn’t do something more aggressive, that we would have a repeat of yesterday on our hands. She didn’t really give much option to decide: as she mentioned breaking my water, she also proceeded to break it without letting me respond.

10 minutes on the dot after she broke my water bag, I had my first monstrous contraction. It took my breath away immediately. I had to start blowing air to try and control my breathing as I had learned in my Lamaze class.

We called Patti Edwards who would come set up the aqua doula tub and as she was setting up the tub, I started having back to back double peak contractions. I felt like throwing up the entire time and could not catch my breath. **EDITED TO ADD: I later went on to work at several births with Patti and it always felt super special that she had been there for me for my first birth experience.

The water really helped relieve the tension and shift the weight off my belly, but my contractions were seconds apart, and I was already doing the last level of Lamaze breathing. I had no other way of coping with the pain if it got worse, and it was getting worse. The water was also super hot and I hate being hot, so that contributed even more for me being out of breath.

At 11:20 am I was leaning on the edge of the tub, grabbing at my husband's fingers, shoving them on my face, and blowing imaginary candles. The urge to push was greater than my self-control, and I was having that urge with E-V-E-R-Y contraction, 5 seconds apart.

When the world turned black for a few seconds, I knew I couldn't handle it anymore. I was out of breath, tired, and in such pain I was about to faint.

The nurse checked me and said I was at 4 cm, but that my cervix was still up there and not soft. I still had a long way to go they said. That scared me so much. I broke down mentally and said I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t go on enduring those contractions thinking I’d be there for God knows how long. I asked my husband to call for anesthesia. Being amazing and sticking to our plan, he tried to distract me so I wouldn’t take the epidural. But I was so conscious of my decision that I pleaded to my mom to intervene. I knew Gui would try to keep distracting me. We had agreed on that together. I also knew I couldn’t take it anymore. My vision had been blacking out on and off. The other thing I knew, was that I had asked my mom to not interfere with my birth plan. By pleading to her, I gave her the ok to step in and do what she had been probably wanting to do since she had walked in at 9am that morning, but controlling herself out of respect for me.

At 12:00 pm they gave me an epidural, the pain slipped away, but I could still feel the contractions shaking my whole body. I was able to get in bed and sleep for a few hours.
At 2:30 pm I started feeling pressure on my butt, like I had to go to the bathroom. I told the nurse, who didn't want to check me because my water had been ruptured so the baby was unprotected, and they had checked me 2 hours earlier.
At 2:45 pm the pressure increased. I started to wince every time I had a contraction. I told the nurse, and this time she agreed to check me. Finally! I was fully dilated and my cervix was ready for action!
At 3:15 pm  I started pushing, and my back started to ache. I had back labor, where the baby's face is up, and his hard skull is pressing against your spine.
At 4 pm I was still pushing.

My husband and my mom were holding my legs, and my dad was filming. The pain in my back had increased, and it was getting very uncomfortable.
At 4:30 pm I asked for more on my epidural, which was no longer having any effect on me. I could feel the pain, and it was all on my back now. The anesthesiologist was in a c-section and wouldn't be able to come and help me. I had to suck it up.
At 5:30 pm I was still pushing. I was exhausted, and the baby's head was still stuck on my pelvic bone. The nurse said my doctor was going to come in soon, and that this baby might be too big for me, we would probably have to do a c-section. I wept internally, I didn't want a c-section.

The nurse was about to have me start signing the papers for a cesarean and to take off my jewelry, when at 6:00 pm my doctor arrived, took a good look at me, and said "OK Sophia, you can do this!". She more like shouted this, full of enthusiasm. I was weak and exhausted and in pain, and I really wanted to give up. But I thought I could try one more time: the last time, please let it be the last time.

So I pushed a few more times.
At around 6:20 pm I was screaming with each push. I pushed so hard the baby's head went from my pelvic bone to crowning in one push - and I got a third degree tear to go with it.
At 6:30 pm I pushed one last time, and Lukka came out all at once. I remember screaming because I was in such pain, because I was SO tired, because I was relieved, because my son was finally here! Because I had just had a baby and it hadn’t been a cesarean.

Even in a daze of pain I ripped my gown down so Lukka could be placed on my bare skin right away. There was my beautiful baby, all gooey and crying, but I was in so much pain from the tear, and so exhausted, that I had no emotional reaction.

They stitched me up, which took 20 minutes, and I almost crushed my mom's hand to dust - the pain was even worse than pushing Lukka out.

When my husband had cut the cord, they had weighed and measured Lukka, and cleaned him a little, my husband gave him to me again. This time, the emotions were unbearable. I didn't cry, but there was a knot in my throat, and a love so deep and great for this little person that was just unbelievable.

I tried to breastfeed right away, and he was great at it! Latched on with no problems. This was our moment. I couldn't stop looking at him, stroking his little swollen little face, kissing his still oddly-shaped head. It was the best feeling ever.

Even though things didn't go exactly as I had planned, my ultimate goal as a first time mom and being from Brazil, was that I did not want a cesarean. I’m thankful for accomplishing that goal, even if it was in a pretty violent way to my body. The next time I birthed a baby, it was much different and it was a healing experience for me.

Lukka Costa
born September 18, 2010 at The Queen’s Medical Center in Honolulu, Hawaii.
7 lbs 9.4 oz / 18 inches

*these pictures are dear to my heart, but they are the perfect example of why we should all hire a birth photographer! Most of them are blurry, overexposed and badly taken by a well meaning family member (my mom, my dad and even my husband who at the time was super into photography but still manages to not be able to work the camera settings properly in a very poorly lit birth room). Also, my husband was in love with his fish eye lens, as you can tell lol.